A rebuttal to an assertion that humans are naturally violent and competitive

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This is a response to a comment made on one of my stories, about Large Scale Violence Only Began with the Agricultural Revolution. The comment was long and detailed, and I appreciate the thought and substance that went into it. Still, I don’t agree with the writer’s assertions and my response is also long and detailed so that I could further support my points. It was substantive enough that I decided it could make it into a stand alone story.

What you are describing is more patriarchal dominance hierarchy culture, than human nature. …

Plus the featured writer

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I don’t know how it is where you live, but it is really HOT right now here. Fortunately, the essays, erotica, and poetry from the past week are as well. Below are some of the highlights of the week from Sensual: An Erotic Life, but please be sure to check out all of our terrific offerings on the main Sensual page.

Some of you may have heard about two erotica writers being censored by Stripe, the payment processing company that Medium uses. One writer was eventually reinstated and the other was not. This has caused quite a stir amongst erotica…

No one would ever blame women for being harassed or attacked

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I’ve spent a fair amount of time in swinger’s clubs, often wearing not a whole lot but some lingerie and high heels. I’ve also spent time at topless optional and clothing optional resorts. Never once was I ever concerned about being groped, catcalled, followed, harassed, or otherwise disrespected in those places. On the other hand, I’ve had all of those things happen to me while respectably clothed out and about in the “regular” world.

Why does this happen? Because American society at large tolerates that sort of behavior and those other places do not. That’s all it boils down to…

It’s the same one taking place in the larger world

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Ok, I admit it. I don’t really like weak people. In fact, I tend to judge them quite a bit, even though I understand that a lot of their weakness comes from insecurity and a lifetime of cultural programming. I’m not talking about people who have some sort of personal need or disability or those who speak out about oppression or harmful societal dynamics. Really what I’m talking about is the people who are too weak to care about those people.

Empathy requires vulnerability. The ability to open in that way to the pain of others takes strength. If you…

Self-help and personal growth are too individual to fit into pithy 7-minute bites

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Self-help, personal growth, and spirituality are huge categories here on Medium but I rarely write anything that ends up with any of those tags. The reason being, I feel very strongly that with a few exceptions, a person’s journey is highly individual. Most of it can’t be reduced down to 7-minute stories that neatly apply to everyone who reads them. Some of it can, but mostly not.

I’ve been a certified life coach for over 15 years and an initiated shamanic healer for more than 10. The man who trained me as a coach got into that field because he…

Plus the featured writer

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I’ve heard from several people that they enjoyed the recent Erotica Challenge and from some others that they missed it and wish they could have participated. Based on that, I’ve promised to hold another one in the near future. If you have any ideas for topics, please let me know in the comments.

Below are the highlights from this past week but be sure to check out all of the terrific essays, erotica, and poetry on the Sensual main page.


The featured writer of the week is Kat Bastet. Kat is an Egyptian goddess masquerading as a human…

Women really do want to be desired

Licensed from Adobe Stock

Netflix’s run-away hit Sex/Life is in some ways a silly and kind of vapid story filled with contrivances and terrible dialogue, but there is one thing that it does get right. Women really do want to be desired — passionately, personally, irrationally desired. Of course, everyone wants to feel desired, but this is a part of female sexuality in a way that is even more the case than it is for men.

Don’t get me wrong — both the sets and the actors of Sex/Life are beautiful in a way that can only exist in a fantasy, and the sex…

Expecting me to take your bad behavior graciously is a patriarchal construct, and I’m not going to buy in

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In case you haven’t already guessed, this is going to be a bit of a rant. When you deal with a certain type of bullshit over and over again, sometimes you just have to let it out in order to be able to move on to more constructive things. So, here goes…

It just happened again and I know I shouldn’t be surprised because it’s something that takes place rather routinely, but nonetheless, it never ceases to amaze me. The gall of some of these guys who are condescending, dismissive, and downright rude, and then who get all up in…

When a man asked me to do that, I wasn’t sure I was up for it

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My husband James and I have dabbled in BDSM, primarily with each other, because it’s something that requires a deep level of trust. Because of that, there aren’t that many other people that we have felt comfortable exploring power dynamics with in that way. When James and I play this way, he’s usually the dominant and I’m the submissive, but not always. Sometimes we switch.

Consensual play with power dynamics is something that I find really intriguing, and for the most part, that is as far as we take it. Spanking and other milder forms of sensory play are a…

Elle Beau ❇︎

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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