You like to make women responible for things that men do. This is another example of that. You have said in the past that you tend to seek female approval. This is a part of the problem — and of the above dynamic. Stop giving your power away to other people and then being disappointed when they don’t respond in the way that you desire based on a social contract that you’ve made in your head that no-one else knows about.

Go learn to be the kind of person that you are proud to be, that you authentically are, whether or not it garners approval from anyone else, male or female. That kind of authenticity is the true definition of integrity. This is the place to attract friends and lovers who value you for yourself, because you are valuing you for yourself — rather than who you imagine others will deem valuable.

Right now your locus of control is all outside of yourself and there is never going to be a way to find peace or happiness there. That doesn’t mean that you can’t make requests of others or point out where they are hurting you, but it will come from a place of being solidly in your own shoes, rather than that place of unexpressed expectations. My recommendation is to work with someone to assist you to do this (life coach, counselor, etc.), because it’s a big journey for anyone and it’s good to have someone alongside to give you support and outside perspective.

Forgive me for being so frank, and for offering unsolicited advice, but I say this with all fondness and from a place of caring.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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