You clearly don't actually know anything about dominance and submission. The world of BDSM is all about consent. You don't get to blow past someone else's boundaries as the dominant. In fact, the submissive holds all the actual power. Forcing your attentions on someone is not kink — it's rape. Grow up!

"The dominant cannot transgress boundaries at will — that is the antithesis of BDSM culture, and all of those boundaries are negotiated and talked about before play ever begins.

BDSM is a subculture where consent and negotiation are normalized and accepted. A 2016 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that compared to vanilla people, the kink community had significantly lower levels of benevolent sexism, rape myth acceptance, and victim blaming.”

If you got your ideas about kink from 50 Shades of Grey, you need to re-educate yourself. Don't model your life after what you see in Hollywood movies should be rule #1. Anyone who is actually in the kink/BDSM world thinks that movie is shit.

Women want passion; they want to be desired. They don't actually want to be raped. They don't actually want to be forced into sexual situations that they haven't consented to — because most of them have already experienced that before and they did not find it enjoyable.

Fantasy takes place in a woman's head; not in the media that is teaching both men and women that blowing past body autonomy boundaries is actually what a woman wants. A full 25% of college guys have admitted to sexual coercion by the time they graduate. That means another 20% are probably doing it without admitting it. Where do you think they learned that? That this was OK and what women secretly want?

If communication is the key to any exchange then why are you defending movie scenarios where there is zero communication? I’m all about consensual power exchange games. I’ll venture that I know a lot more about it than you do, based on your comments so far. Don’t be a rape apologist. It’s not a good look — particularly for a doctor. Every woman you know has had her body autonomy violated at some point in her life — every single one — most of them too many times to count — including your own wife and mother. Not every one of those was rape, but 1 in 6 were. Most women you know have been groped by a stranger in public and had dates override their boundaries as a matter of course. That was not erotic for them, let me assure you. Sometimes it’s just the Creepy Uncle Joe kind of too much in your space kind of thing, but every woman has experienced that. You really don’t want to be defending that as OK, do you? Because that is not remotely the same kind of thing as consensually agreeing to power exchange scenarios.

Some 50% of women surveyed said the perpetrator was larger or older. More than 46% of the women were held down. In 56% of the instances, men used verbal pressure. Men used physical threats more than 26% of the time and caused physical harm in more than 25% of the instances. Some 22% of the women were drugged.”(emphasis mine) CNN Health

Rape is a common female fantasy; but that doesn’t mean that women want to be actually raped. In her head, she’s given consent for that or she’s given her partner consent for that — it’s not remotely the same thing as portraying non-consensual overpowering of women as sexy and something that they secretly want. They only want it from the guy that they’ve already given permission in their head to do that. Portraying it without any consent, without any conversation, is portraying rape, and since that’s something that the CDC and the WHO consider to be an epidemic problem worldwide, maybe you could learn the difference between encouraging non-consent and consensual fantasies. Get it?

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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