You are not alone in this. A whole lot of men are still bought into the idea that living with a woman means you now have a house elf - something that is very well documented, and that a lot of women are sick of. If she makes more money than he does, the dynamic increases.

More and more women once widowed or divorced say they have no desire to live with a man again. They want to have relationships, but ones where they have both the autonomy you described and don't have to do the caregiving chores aspect. My rather conventional mother did this when she partnered again after my father died. They were together for 22 years, but never lived together. She loved her life with my dad, but still really had no desire to repeat it.

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