Yes to all of this! You wouldn’t believe (well, you probably would) some of the discussions I’ve gotten into about jealousy. We’ve been trained that this is good and a needed show of real love, but possessiveness is primarily a mix of insecurity and a belief in ownership.
I could talk about this all day too and write about it quite a lot. My other obsession is how the dominance hierarchy of patriarchy infuses everything in our culture with competitiveness, stratification, coercion, and bullying. I think it’s the root of pretty much all of our social problems and until we address that aspect, aren’t going to make much headway on sexual harassment, racism, homophobia, bullying, etc.
I completely agree about the guys who aren’t actually following polyamory principles and just want a pass to do whatever they want, with little regard for anyone else. Not everyone who claims to be poly is doing the work of their own self-inventory.