Years before we got involved in anything remotely poly, I wrote an article about how I didn’t think it would ever be for me because of what you just described. I figured trying to keep one relationship healthy and vibrant was hard enough. There’s so much to think about and so much to work through with poly and each additional partner would clearly just raise that exponentially. But then, I suddenly got the yen to open up our marriage, and we dove in. There are no rules; the upside of that is that you get to make your own and the downside of that is that since there is no road map, you have to be really intentional about that.

Part of how we reduce the potential crazy-making is that we agreed to never see anyone alone — we only get together with other people together. Not saying that’s what everyone should do — just what we decided to do. There was still plenty to figure out, especially the first time I really fell for someone else, and it did take some time to completely work through that but eventually we did. He’s never fallen in love with anyone else (so far) and although things are darn smooth right now, I can see how there might still be things to work through in the future. As tough as it’s been at times, I feel like it’s totally worth it though. Our life has a richness and a fullness to it that we both love. As long as you keep learning from your mistakes, I’m gonna guess that you’ll be fine.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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