When we opened up our relationship after 20+ years of monogamy, there was a lot that we agreed about and also a lot that we didn’t -and hence a fair amount of conflict. And hanging with that and working through it did bring much, much deeper intimacy. But before that there were times that he plain didn’t like me, and that was hard to stomach. And, I needed to explore what was true for me; what my needs actually were; what my path was whether he liked me or approved of me all the time or not. And it wasn’t like I could tell the majority of my friends what we had decided to do either, because there is little societal approval for non-monogamy, particularly in a case like this, where it’s rocking a happy and long established monogamous relationship, so I mostly had to go it completely alone. Tough for sure! Long road, but we got through it, and I now trust myself and know myself more than I ever, ever have because I followed my compass even when I didn’t have much support for that. And, we’re back to being happy and liking each other (the loving part never stopped). I’ve always loved that saying that “it’s not your business what other people think of you,” — it’s still easier said than done, but in my experience, well worth the effort to practice that outlook.

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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