When James and I were talking about opening up our relationship, we did a lot of talking first, not just about how we wanted things to go with that but about things from the past that we hadn’t felt comfortable talking about to each other when we were adhering to “the rules” of monogamous marriage. He told me about the “work wife” he’d had several years ago and how attracted they were to each other but how they had never acted on it. I told him some things as well. It was incredibly liberating!
I find it truly wonderful that twice you’ve had situations where the woman was secure enough in her relationship to let your attraction to the man in her life be non-threatening and OK. What a gift! There are all different kinds of love and all different kinds of ways of expressing that. It would be a better world if that was more fully allowed for.