When I reflect back over this entire thread, I see a guy who doesn’t have good skills around viewing things from someone else’s perspective (theory of mind) and so then comes across as pompous, arrogant and condescending. Since you have identified that you are not NT, this makes sense that it isn’t your strong suit. In light of that, I’ll instead choose to believe that you aren’t actually all of those things, but are instead someone who does have a good heart, but who just has no skills around actually conveying that.
That being said, listening to other people’s perspectives and life experiences which may be different from yours and trying to imagine what it might be like to walk in their shoes is a worthy endeavor, even if you find it challenging to do so. It’s something we all can use work on. As BB says, there can be no empathy without vulnerability and those who are too wounded to feel safe enough to be vulnerable will never get there unless they clean up those wounds.