What you’ve said makes a lot of sense and explains a lot that previously had me shaking my head. I too am a lover of the erotic and have no patience for transactional sexual contact; either to watch or to experience. Pua Nani and I have actually talked about this some.
But what’s really fucked up is that we should be aspiring to a world and lives that are more entirely informed by the erotic, but the true erotic as Audre Lorde wrote about, and not the world of sensation only as depicted in porn.
As women, we have come to distrust that power which rises from our deepest and non- rational knowledge. We have been warned against it all our lives by the male world, which values this depth of feeling enough to keep women around in order to exercise it in the service of men, but which fears this same depth too much to examine the possibility of it within themselves. So women are maintained at a distant/inferior position to be psychically milked, much the same way ants maintain colonies of aphids to provide a life-giving sub- stance for their masters.
But the erotic offers a well of replenishing and provocative force to the woman who does not fear its revelation, nor succumb to the belief that sensation is enough.