Well thanks for the explanation and I see what you mean. I also see what the OP means too though. Everyone wants to be treated like a person, not like a “marital aid” or a “present” which is pretty objectifying. I’ve been with women who are kind of going through the motions because it’s what their man wants and it’s not much fun. The woman we are involved with now is really into us both. She might even like me slightly more….. That’s a ton of fun!
And there is a looooong history of women being discouraged from owning their sexuality and sublimating their own pleasure for the pleasure of men. “I kissed a girl and I liked it” started out for the male gaze — to turn the men on who were watching and not for the primary pleasure or enjoyment of the women involved. I think the OP is addressing that dynamic.