Well, perhaps you are right that it’s more in the articulation than the seeing. And maybe a part of my perception around this comes from no longer being monogamous. I don’t see affection/love as a pie that is to be divvied up. In my view there is no reason that I can’t love my husband and love someone else also, or several someone else’s also. My affection for one doesn’t diminish my commitment to or love for another because love is an infinite resource.
And I also get that this is not the prevailing view of things in the world, which is actually too bad. Since becoming polyamorous, my relationship with my husband has grown and expanded because we’ve learned how to have less attachment-based/ownership-oriented/co-dependent love. And I realize that isn’t a relationship structure that is right for everyone, but I still think that it would be healthier for even monogamous couples to find ways to move in that direction. Less jealousy, less “you’re mine” thinking, etc. would be a good thing all around.
And I also stand by what I said about Mike Pence and those who think like him, as well as my personal experiences with people I thought were friends who had no use for me if they no longer thought they had some chance at a sexual relationship.