Well I do apologize. It was not my intention to annoy or provoke you. I completely misunderstood. Its not easy to always read sarcasm or what have you in written word. You said you’d like to be seen and heard and I gave you some practical suggestions around that. You said you came to Medium looking for me and then when I offer you what I have to offer, you become defensive. It’s a wee bit confusing! If you want to be seen and heard by me, you need to present your stories in some way — not just by hijacking other people’s stories.

I absolutely do not infantilize you and have only ever attempted to deal with you in good faith. Everyone has personal growth things they would benefit from working on, including me. And as I told you earlier, I do that. I have someone I work with every couple of weeks and it’s been that way for 15 years. In between sessions, I work on my shit every damn day! That’s not because I’m an infant or fucked up — it’s because I’m smart enough and adult enough to know that’s how you have less pain in your life; that’s how you clean up the hurts of the past and progress into the future more powerfully. It takes a huge amount of wrangling with your own bullshit, but it’s worth it. If you aren’t up for that, no problem. Most people aren’t. But it is the path to a better, less painful existence and I recommend it. And because I’ve been doing that for so long and have extensive professional training in it, I have expertise that you don’t have. That doesn’t mean I’m somehow better than you. It just means that I have distinctions that you don’t have. And you seem really threatened by that. Am I supposed to pretend I don’t know more than you on this topic simply for your comfort? That is a big part of this whole societal dynamic that I talk about all the time and it’s old, tired and lame. And since I am not actually “a good girl” I have no problem pointing that out.

As you yourself have often stated, particularly recently, you have been blinded by your own wounds. I’m just offering you some perspective around dealing with that. If you don’t want my perspective, that’s certainly fine. People pay me good money for it every day. If you don’t want it for free, no problem.

You have yet to explain the “double bind” in any way that makes sense, so it’s pretty tough for me to engage with it. If you persist in attacking women and saying “but what about me” on every article where a woman is speaking about her painful personal experiences, you will never get actual sympathy or truly be seen or heard. You will only be vilified as “one of those guys” who has no real empathy for anyone else and has to make everything about himself. And your choices are yours — do what you want to do, but I don’t think it’s a very productive path.

And if the thought of someone “holding space” for you enrages you, then you have therapeutic level issues that I am not qualified to address because they are psychological in nature.

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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