This is perhaps the clearest, most nuanced thing I’ve ever read on this topic. Thanks!

It’s my theory that a lot of guys don’t allow for situations where they might have to hear “no” not just because they want what they want, but because that feels awkward, vulnerable and therefore not like the “man” they’ve been told they are supposed to be. When you put your partner’s comfort ahead of your own or at least on equal footing, there is potential for everyone to have a good time, or at least to not have a traumatizing time. I think that’s a world worth trying to create.