This is patriarchy in action — the belief that because men are supposed to be in charge that they always are. If they can’t “control” their woman there is something wrong about them — too weak, too pathetic. If a woman hurts a man in some way, he’s first of all not supposed to let them happen and secondly not supposed to really care. Emotions are for girls (wimps).
This is all dominance hierarchy at it’s finest. Men don’t hurt women because they are all shitty human beings; they do it because they were raised that control, dominance, primacy, stoicism, and independence are the most important things in the world. If they don’t embody those, they aren’t real men. Many women try a lot of that same playbook when they can get away with it because they’ve been swimming in the same ocean (society) the whole time too and been taught that masculine traits are the only real way to have power. In the absence of that kind of power, some resort to more underhanded ways of getting what they want/need.
I’ve said versions of this before. It’s just that you don’t want to listen because you want to be in a binary, but I’ve never been having a binary conversation or perspective at all.