This is a true story: When I was a child I used to cry after my ice cream cone was eaten. I only got one every now and then (moderation), and when it was gone, I was indeed sad, sad enough to cry. So, basically, your analogy doesn’t fly. You are looking at sex and probably all of life as though it is a finite resource to be managed and apportioned out in little bites. I take big bites and live out loud!

By your reasoning, you shouldn’t love too much (love your parents, your friends, your mate, anyone) because if you do, when those friends move or your parents die, you will be sad. Of course you will be sad, but you will be a whole lot sadder if you didn’t love them full out when you had the opportunity. Try to put a lid on pain and you will also put a lid on joy. Same goes for sex and a lot of the things that are wrong with society come out of trying to repress sex and sexual expression.

Life force is known in martial arts as chi or ki. It’s what is harnessed in order to remain calm and non-reactive so as not to get into fights with any and all, and to cultivate inner strength and wisdom, but when fighting is called for, to fight powerfully and effectively. Life force is at it’s root sexual energy but is not always used (obviously) in the pursuit of sexual activity. It is creative, generative and life giving. To seek to suppress that which is life giving is to exist as a husk of a person; one who is not fully vibrant and alive. I’m sorry to say that you are coming across as that kind of person — one who does not actually live, but merely exists.

The way for everyone who wants to have a partner to have one is for each person to do their best to be their best selves. That means taking responsibility for your own life, cleaning up your wounds (getting help to do so if needed) standing up straight, getting a decent haircut, working with your insecurities and learning how to maximize who you actually are to best effect. Sounds a bit like JP right there, doesn’t it? 😉

Plenty of shy people (poor people, disabled people, large people) have mates. Hell, plenty of people with Aspergers (a form of autism) are married or are dating. I’ve already given examples of people I knew and dated, who were not Chads. Again, look out the window. ALL kinds of people are paired up, not just the ones who look like they fell off a movie screen. Take some fucking self-responsibility and be the kind of person that other people want to be with, no matter what assets you were born with! And I’m not referring to personal You here, I mean one. I have no idea what your situation is but requiring other people to live smaller, less full lives as a means of managing the wellfare of those who are not taking responsibility for themselves is just truly wrong-headed.

And that was a big part of the point of this piece. These blackpill guys are not taking self-responsibility. They are blaming women for the lives that they have and don’t have. They are afraid to admit they need any work or improvement because the society we live in tells them that men should always be competent and in control; never vulnerable, never anything but self-sufficient. Change that dynamic and dismantle that bullshit man-box and things will be a lot better for those guys.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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