The people you are speaking of don’t have to imagine it. It is their lived experience — and mine. That’s what you keep failing to appreciate. Have you asked your wife yet about her experiences with fear and harassment? Will you avoid her when she tells you about the things she’s had to endure?
You pretending this isn’t real won’t make it go away. It won’t make it cease to exist. Better to face it and become a part of co-creating a better society than to put your head in the sand like an ostrich.