The patriarchy is not the past because it's very firmly the social system that we live in today. It's the ocean we all swim in. That's not ideology. It's sociology. Of course, we have agency, and I'm presenting a societal perspective and not a gendered one. However, I do often talk about the ways that our social system and its expectations of men are harmful to them.

You seem to be hung up on the word patriarchy, as so many are, but that simply refers to the type of social organization that came into existence about 6-9 thousand years ago, one where suddenly knowing paternity for sure was important in a way that it had never been in the past when everyone in the group took care of everyone else. At that same time, social structure went from being entirely egalitarian, to the point of not even having a designated leader(s) to one that was stratified by class, wealth, power, etc., and where that stratification is maintained by force. That's what the term patriarchy means when I use it, as I already explained in my original comment.

The coercive control of women is a central part of that, and considering that we still had hundreds of different laws for women than for men a mere 50 years ago, that aspect hasn't gone away entirely even if the laws have. It still is very present in the ways that both men and women are socialized from birth to inhabit the binary roles that this system demands. But the social stratification is also an intrinsic part as well. Having rankings of various kinds that are maintained through bullying is the main element — and so that means not only sexism, but racism, homophobia, etc.

I'm not clear on what your position actually is since it seems to change moment to moment. First, you say that men and women aren't all that different from each other, but then you claim that they have gendered brains and that we evolved to do certain things. Even in most current hunter-gatherer groups, although there are specific gender roles, they aren't necessarily followed all that strongly. People do what they enjoy and what of that contributes to the larger group.

"Traditionally, especially among Juǀʼhoansi ǃKung, women generally collect plant foods and water, providing 60%–80% of the group’s sustenance, while men hunt. However, these gender roles are not strict and people do all jobs as needed with little or no shame.

Women generally take care of children and prepare food. However, this doesn't restrict them to their homes, since these activities are generally done with, or close to, others, so women can socialise and help each other. Men are also engaged in these activities."

Bonvillain, Nancy (2001). Women and Men: Cultural Constructs of Gender

In the Mosuo of China, men do a lot of the childcare duties because women do most of the farming. It's mostly a patriarchal construct that women are evolved to care for children (beyond birth and breastfeeding) and that these gender roles are evolutionary. They are primarily societal, as evidenced by the many current societies where gender roles are different or aren't as fixed. In ancient Egypt (prior to 4 BC) women used to go to the markets and transact most of the business while men stayed home and did the weaving.

The things I write come out of academic and research-based reading. In addition, I have a rather large fan base. I would say about 60% of them are men. I talk to and engage with them on a regular basis. A while back I asked them to tell me about what society had taught them about what it means to be a man. This is what they said:

I have a point of view, but it’s based in my understanding of human development which comes from various branches of science. Yours appears to be based in a knee-jerk reaction to certain “types” of women and your assumptions about them (which is particularly bad, since I’m not even the “type” of women you assume me to be). It’s always better to seek to understand then to merely assume.

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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