The other thing James Nash is that within any kind of kink life-style, beyond the basic rules of not acting entitled to anyone else’s time, attention or body, there are no rules. Absolutely everything has to be negotiated because everyone has their own parameters and boundaries. People have to talk and have to be explicit about what is on and off the table. Trying to force either gender to conform to some list of traits and rules to which they may or may not actually have natural affinity is the problem and not it’s solution.

If young men are confused, it’s only because we are shifting from a society where they’ve been encouraged to take what they want (that’s a part of patriarchy) to one where women are demanding to be treated with respect and like actual human beings— and noone has taught them how to do that. They’ve got one foot in each world. The solution to that is the same — stop trying to decide who and how people “ought” to be and let them be who they are. If they want to drink soy lattes, let them without disparaging their masculinity for doing so.

Encourage people to talk to each other and to pursue their needs and desires with the idea in mind that other people’s needs and desires are just as valid and may not be the same. It’s really not that complex or revolutionary at all.

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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