The most mentally and sexually healthy people seem to be the ones who are sex-positive. The vanilla world has a lot to learn from the world of kink. I wrote an article a while back about “what the vanilla world could learn about consent from a sex club” and it was pretty much what you said at the beginning about women steering the ship. When women have full sexual and bodily autonomy, without fear, then they are ready to show up fully as people and as sexual beings.
I look forward to reading more of your work.