Thanks for writing this. My experience with using sex-workers and talking with them lines up entirely with what you’ve said. One woman said she was seriously considering writing a book about how most of her clients were really looking to be heard and affirmed and touched; the actual sex was secondary.

The female sex workers we know (and see) in particular, are just as you described: smart, empathic, sexy women who enjoy their work and feel empowered by it. The few professional guys we’ve seen were a bit of a different story, tending to need to interact with women in a venue where they had a whole lot of control. But perhaps they were so wounded because they were also inherently sensitive and loving in the first place.

I’ve written quite a bit about “dating” escorts and how it works well for our extra-marital needs, for a variety of reasons. The “vanilla” world is much, much more sexual dysfunctional than the world of kink. We are totally going in the wrong direction as a society right now.

What the Vanilla World Can Learn About Consent From a Sex Club

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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