Sorry, that doesn’t fly at all………It’s no less dangerous for a woman. Below is my description of coming onto and literally getting into the pants of a strange woman in a public place. I had no previous indication that she was even interested in women. She was with her husband, and maybe not looking to meet anyone at all, but because I was paying attention to her cues, actually verbally asking her for consent, and respected when she wanted to stop, we both had a great experience. You and other men are perfectly capable of doing the same thing, and many, many men do and it works out fine for them. I suspect your issue is that you were trying to follow a script that you’d been sold by “the man box” where you tried to pursue a woman rather than meeting her, getting to know her, and treating her like a person rather than prey. So, patriarchy fucked you over again……what a surprise?!

“A few weeks later we went to a “lifestyle” club in a nearby city, and I saw a woman who really appealed to me, much more than any man in the club that night. She had her white tailored blouse unbuttoned to her navel with nothing on underneath and her small, but nicely shaped breasts periodically came into view as she danced. I liked her confidence even more than I liked her perfect little tits, and I realized that I liked those a lot! After a while, she and her husband sat down near us and we started a conversation. I could have cared less about him. She and I were flirting in the way I’d only ever done with a man before. Our faces were close together as we talked, and after a time I leaned in and asked if I could kiss her. It was completely uncharted territory for me but it was also very exciting for that very reason. I’m not particularly shy, but growing up in a hetero world, the guy was always kind of expected to be the one taking the lead, and I had had a couple of experiences where if I bucked that at all, the guy didn’t always appreciate it.

It seems that many men want women to be sexually available but not sexually confident, or as it’s more often pejoratively termed, sexually aggressive. But I was getting the opportunity to do that now, without being told it was wrong, and I liked the adventure of it.

Her name was Susan — just a nice looking late 30s woman with shoulder length blonde hair and a lot of sexual energy going on. We kissed and talked a little more until the kissing became more insistent and the talking stopped. We were sitting in a crowded club, with our husbands on either side of us, but at that moment, no-one else was around. I asked her if I could put my hands inside her shirt and touch those beautiful breasts. She nodded assent, and I ran my hands along the undersides, cupping them and then fingered the nipples just in the same way that I liked to be touched. The only thing I knew about touching women was by going on what I liked. So far, so good. In fact, after a while, she pulled me down until we were laying on the padded bench that we’d been sitting on. By then, she had partially unzipped my bustier and her hands were exploring my bare breasts as well. I started to play with the waistband on her jeans and after a while, I unbuckled her belt. A bit later I reached my hands inside her partially opened jeans and rubbed the top of her pubic bone. I wanted to see what it was like to put my hands there but to also give her the opportunity to stop me before I reached any further down. She let me rub her there for a while but then eventually moved my hand away. I don’t know if she got scared or if her husband intervened, or if she’d just gone far enough. In any case, we stopped and sat back up. It was a little bit awkward coming back to reality after such a heady experience, but since the entire thing was completely consensual and ended when she wanted it to, I had no regrets.”

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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