So, you’ve made my point for me. In current heterosexual relationships, someone or other is being too controlling, as per both the research that you cited and the research that I cited. This is hierarchy, which is what patriarchy is about — someone feeling the urge to dominate and control someone else rather than be actual partners. Here’s another statistic for you — half of all women killed in the US are murdered by current or former male domestic partners. Domestic abuse victims experience the most danger when they go to leave, because the abuser realizes they are potentially losing control of the other person.

You’ve also managed to ignore what I said about my own experiences being monogamous and then being non-monogamous, and how that experience is confirmed by other polyamorous people. And what about the fact that 25 years ago you could still legally rape your wife in some states? What about the fact that currently there are golf clubs in the US where women cannot be members unless they are joint members with fathers or husbands? Patriarchy is alive and well, my friend — and it’s infused in nearly every aspect of society, negatively affecting not only my life, but yours too. A dominance hierarchy hurts everyone, except for a very few at the very tip top of the pyramid.

You’ve also given nothing to support your idea that marriage today is highly cooperative and egalitarian, so there’s that as well……..

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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