So exactly right! Poly without the work to really take yourself on, deprogram yourself from harmful relational ideas like possessiveness, or without boundaries is just a hedonistic free-for-all and it’s not going to work very well for very long.

“Getting rid of all social contracts isn’t a path to freedom or happiness. It’s a path to nihilism. In order to have real freedom, you need to understand what both your needs and your boundaries actually are and then co-create social contracts that actually work for you.”

James and I definitely had some bad experiences along the way with people who weren’t doing their own work. Our bumps in our personal journey were when we weren’t doing ours. I feel really fortunate now to have the relationships I do that work so well. It’s not a given that poly will bring what we have. But come to think of it, the long term poly relationships I know of that are working well are all driven by a strong woman — including mine. 😉

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store