Pua Nani, thanks for your input. I’ve been thinking this over quite a bit since the conversation that I described from last week. I appreciate your insights and agree that internet culture tends to encourage and feed the flame of wounds and fears, rather than encouraging self-reflection or inner work.
I think that Jordan Peterson is so popular because he offers the veneer of inner work but also a huge place to stoke biases and anger at a disappearing white male world, all under the auspices of intellectualism and self-responsibility. You feel like you are stepping up to work on yourself, and maybe you are a little bit, but it’s not truly challenging what’s actually going on at a deeper level. He comes across to me as a walking Id, someone who is just projecting all of his own wounds and fears and then creating a theoretical system to support them. But this is perhaps another post in and of itself….
I also concur that attractiveness comes in all kinds of boxes, and that it’s more than possible to build skills around this, even if one is plain but naturally charming or what have you. This is the crux issue for me — why do these men feel they are imprisoned where they are, while many, many men either improve themselves, like James with his GQ subscription or simple take what they’ve got going on and make it work for them, like Roger.
You might find the Eisler book that I linked at the bottom interesting — Sacred Pleasure. It explores our evolution from a goddess worshipping one which honored the life-giving, soul enhancing aspects of sexuality to one that often associates sex with domination and pain.