Polyamory works beautifully when everyone involved is doing the work of introspection and self-responsibility — and most people don’t bother. Plus, we don’t have a lot of free time to try to meet someone worth spending time with. If we have time for a date, it’s much preferable to know that we are going to have a great time with somebody whom we admire and care about.
A guy wrote me an email a while back saying that his wife, whom he really loves, had given him a hall pass. He wanted to know how he should proceed to find someone to play with. I gave him some options, but highly recommended that he see an escort. It is a way to potentially build a real caring relationship with someone whom you enjoy having sex with, while still maintaining all the boundaries. He has started seeing someone he really enjoys and last I heard it was working well.
Legalizing and normalizing this would be better for both clients and sex workers.