People in a kibbutz had been raised in a dominance hierarchy, and were now trying to do things a different way. Again — trying to overlay one system over top of another without completely changing all the elements of the paradigm. My son went to an elementary school where they affirmatively taught them how to solve their problems. Teachers would not intervene in disputes but would facilitate “class meetings” where the kids all learned to talk about their needs, fears, feelings, etc., and how to communicate with their peers about them.

based on broad historical trends it looks as though the development and adoption of monogamy was at least loosely correlated with improvements in the rights and welfare of women.” Again, based on what? I’ve already quoted you evidence to the complete contrary of that. With the advent of monogamy (for women — I’ve already said that monogamy was never expected of men until the recent past) which coincided with the advent of patriarchy, “The patriarchal systems that emerged brought women for the first time under the direct control of fathers and husbands with few cross-cutting sources of support. Women as wives under this system were not social adults, and women’s lives were defined in terms of being a wife. Women’s mothering and women’s sexuality came to be seen as requiring protection by fathers and husbands. Protecting unmarried women’s virginity appears to go along with the idea of the domestication of women.” There’s ample evidence that prior to this time, women were full members of their society, with equal rights, power, social standing, etc. Even in societies that had agriculture, but were still goddess worshipping, there was a balance between male and female, with women serving as primary religious leaders, judges, healers, etc. How on earth would having men exert more control over women, restrict their sexual and personal freedom and treat them as a kind of child under their care improve their rights and welfare? That’s just a mind-boggling assertion?

I’ve already quoted you a large study that indicates that yes, that women often find marriage oppressive and it’s one of the main reasons that women initiate divorce more often than men. It’s hardly the only study to come to that conclusion. Pretty much all scholarship (except that done by MRA types who conclude that women actually want to be controlled and aren’t getting enough of that, which means they no longer respect their husbands) indicates the exact same thing. So, you not seeing that is really because you don’t want to see it. Even women who work full time outside the home are still expected to do the bulk of child care and homekeeping duties. In fact, the more high powered a job a woman has, the more that tends to be demanded of her (as some unconscious way to keep her from getting too much power). All of these studies quote women as saying that they are sick of being controlled and not treated as a full partner, that they want real connection, etc.

If you went back and reread Becky’s question, you’ll see that I also answered her with the link to the article about women being the bored sex. Monogamy was invented to oppress women, ipso facto. It was invented to keep women sexually “domesticated” so that paternity could be undoubtedly established. When everyone co-raises children, and shares all belongings, paternity is irrelevent. When suddenly you have land (and farm implements, and animals) to pass on, you are more interested in them going to your actual heirs. Ergo, establishing paternity becomes relevent. This is not rocket science, my friend. It’s patently obvious.

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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