Ok, you totally get major points for interjecting humor and a more good natured atmosphere! 👏🏻 I will attempt to reciprocate.

“If there are men who find that some of their traits are harmful to themselves then they are capable of identifying and modifying those traits on their own initiative.” That’s just incredibly sweet and incredibly naive for you to think so. The so called “man box” enforces social/emotional isolation which is literally killing men in record numbers, not only from suicide and substance abuse, but recent research indicates just how great a correlation there is between loneliness and health issues/death. For the numbers of men who see this and are concerned about it, there are equal numbers putting their fingers in their ears and insisting that everything is just fine, thank you. “I like to clean my gun down here in the basement by myself, with a bottle of Jim Beam. That’s how I feel MANLY!”

I have two male life partners and a son. I care about their health and happiness as well as the health and happiness of the world/society that I live in. I am a pragmatist. I care about what is beneficial to the most people most of the time, which obviously includes what is beneficial to me in there somewhere. But I also don’t see those things as being at odds.

One only sees equality as a detriment if you live in a zero-sum world where someone has to lose for someone to win. I’d prefer not to live there.

Definition of feminism

You notice, it says equality and not reverse domination or getting even or what have you.

You can be as macho or traditionally masculine as ever you want, but not every guy is naturally that way and not every woman is traditionally feminine.

The Man Box: The term implies a rigid set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors of what is “manly” behavior. Because it is a hierarchy, Hegemonic masculinity marginalizes men who do not perfectly fit the description of a “real man.” Because no man perfectly fits the description, all men are limited by hegemonic masculinity through policing of behaviors seen as “violations” (Edwards & Jones, 2009).

These policing behaviors are the issue, as is the disrespect for traditionally feminine behaviors. Calling boys and men names like fag and pussy and sissy if they don’t conform to rigid standards is a prime example. Why do you think homophobia is so rampant in patriarchal societies? Because it is not acceptable to be feminine in any way EVEN IF THAT IS HOW YOU NATURALLY ARE!

So, please do go be who you actually are. Please do go be happy and healthy and enjoy your authentic self, but if you get too flippant about how much free choice that you and every other man already has, you’ll get another lecture from me — this time on the performative hierarchy of the domination machine, and I’ve already written several articles, so all I’ll have to do is link them and I won’t even have to start from scratch! 😸

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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