Not all sex is about power — that is MY point. It’s often about power, but not always. It’s unfair to paint all men or all powerful people, if you’d rather, as getting off on subjugating or having power over others. My husband is a powerful man, and he’s standing right here with a disgusted look on his face as I tell him about your premise. He finds it really insulting, but also ludicrous. We have plenty of sex that isn’t about power dynamics — between us, and also with other people that we are sexually involved with (we’re polyamorous).

I write a lot about patriarchy as a dominance hierarchy, so I understand that aspect. But this is a really complex, nuanced topic, with a lot of shades and you are insisting on making it cut and dried when it isn’t. Your subjective experience, which by your own admission you are trying to work through, is clouding your perception. So much so, that you don’t even realize that the idea of rape as being primarily about power is a feminist/left leaning stance, not a Republican one.

Here’s an excerpt from an study about rape as a weapon of war. Notice how there isn’t one word in there about sexual gratification?

By using gang rape during armed conflict, militia group members:

  1. Prompt feelings of power and achievement
  2. Establish status and a reputation for aggressiveness
  3. Create an enhanced feeling of masculinity through bonding and bragging
  4. Demonstrate dedication to the group and a willingness to take risks

Rape as a weapon of war is used to instill terror and to dehumanize the other side. Some of the perpetrators may indeed get off on doing that, but it’s not a part of natural, healthy sexual response. It’s not about lust or attraction.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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