My dear, this wasn’t about you except in the most tertial way. Not everything is about you. I’m non-monogomous, remember — I can disagree with other men other than you and I have had many, many conversations with men who have characterized themselves as being the real victims of society and victims of women. I had one just the other day with a man who claimed all of these things and as I stated in the post, I’m sick of writing the same things over and over again in response, particularly when they are so self-evidently wrong if one were to just THINK for a moment. The fact that you had recently also just made a similar claim about woman and war efforts was gravy.

And for someone who is so “proudly masculine” you aren’t a very linear thinker. For someone who claims to be competitive, you don’t pay much attention to detail. I chose all of my words and assertions carefully (I always do) and was in no way making broad brush assertions of any other kinds. I was drawing no inferences other than the ones which I fully supported with facts and data.

So, I chose traditionally masculine characteristics. That of competition, confidence in myself as a man, asserting my place in the world, self sufficiency and paternal protection of those dear to me and assuming the leadership role in a relationship. And yes, I do so with no shame.” There is nothing inherently wrong with any of that. The problem is that you do so within a box that has rules and you try to exhort other men to follow those same rules — rather than allowing yourself and other men to simply be whomever they actually are. It’s inorganic, and therein lies the problem — both for you and for society as a whole.

Don’t bring your problems to your woman and don’t listen to her when she asks you to be more vulnerable. Shit like that is contrived and also poisionous to actual good relationships, as I’ve already indicated to you with research support from the lead person in the world who studies vulnerability and shame. Stop trying to define what masculinity is, because it’s a huge continuum of traits. Stop trying to distance it from anything that might be construed as feminine, because that in and of itself is hateful and oppressive. You only value what are considered feminine traits in WOMEN. They need to be valued in society at large, wherever they may crop up, in order to have a healthier society.

Why can’t you just go out there and BE? The fact that you can’t is why I said that I Feel Sorry for Alphas.

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store