My apologies for misunderstanding but I still don’t get your point. I’m talking about the mainstream experience of women that comes out of 10,000 years of patriarchal programming and you seem to be asserting that because I now fit a very narrow demographic, I don’t understand that broad, mainstream experience. And if that isn’t what you are saying, please clarify.
This well written and very personal piece illustrates exactly what I’m saying, and points to just how early this socialized in behavior begins due to the fact that girls start getting sexually harassed at about age 10. If your life-long experience is to be always on your guard because you are constantly objectified and bothered, you aren’t going to feel like it’s safe or wise to follow any natural inclination to notice and admire the males (or females) around you.