Most people, and perhaps truly most men think of the term patriarchy as some kind of gendered slur. Meanwhile, it’s a social system that disadvantages men as well. What you are saying about building your family through wisdom, knowledge and understanding still assumes that it’s the man’s role to do that, when it should be the role of both parents. Man as head of household, even if he is benevolent, is still a hierarchy. For more on this, read below:
Mark Greene has written a lot on Medium about the Man Box and about the ways that it harms men. Lots of good stuff there, including pointing out how the recent APA guidelines about “toxic masculinity” really missed the mark.