Lots of good thoughts here and we certainly are wise if we strive to be our best selves for people, not just on the first couple of dates, but all along in a relationship. But if you can’t take someone 95% how they already are, you probably aren’t going to be able to have a sustainable relationship. Requiring our loves to change in any significant ways, or expecting that they should, is a worse trait in my book than saying “you need to take me as I am.”

If someone is honest about who they are and that doesn’t work for you, that’s kind of your problem and not theirs. That being said, it’s a great idea to be willing and able to ask for what you want in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean that the other person is obliged to give it to you.

I’ve been with my partner for close to 30 years and that has required commitment and sometimes compromise. But we’ve also discovered that being who we think we should be for each other is not as fulfilling as being who we actually are.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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