I’ve heard about that full-body massage thing and some people think it’s awesome, but again, probably something you should get on the same page about before initiating with someone. The rest is just creepy and terrible, but you are right that there still seems to be less of that in the poly/kink world than in the vanilla one.
At this point, James and I (who only see other people together) have two sex partners, one a man, and the other a woman. We have seen them as a foursome, but mostly we are just with one of them at a time. We adore both of them and feel perfectly safe and comfortable. We always have fun. At this point in my life, we aren’t interested in adding anyone new unless they are somebody pretty remarkable.