I’ve already quoted to you from an anthropologist. I’m not entirely sure what kind of “evidence” you are looking for. It’s pretty common knowledge. But here’s some more, just for grins.

“It’s thought that at one time, human ancestors did engage in chimp-like habits of sex and child-rearing, in which strong alpha males mated freely with the females of their choice, and then left the child-raising duties to them. So, the question is, How did we get from there to the modern-day monogamous, two-parent family?

“People have been discussing ways by which the transition from promiscuity to pair-bonding could have occurred and there are various different scenarios,” says study author Sergey Gavrilets, distinguished professor of ecology, evolutionary biology and mathematics at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville.”

“Sarah Hrdy, professor emerita of anthropology at the University of California, Davis, and a leading evolutionary theorist, commended Gavrilets’ research, though she took issue with some of the assumptions made in his mathematical model. “We don’t fully understand the evolution of human pair-bonding so I welcome this effort,” says Hrdy.

However, she disagreed with a few of its key suppositions: for one, she thinks that cooperative rearing of children by women was a critical factor in human evolution, but Gavrilets’ model relies on research that doesn’t reflect this.”

Love is not a pie to be sliced up. It is an infinite thing. Needing to control your partner is not an indication of love. It demonstrates petty emotions like jealousy and possessiveness. Children benefit from a wide variety of loving adults in their lives, although none of my other lovers live with me and my husband and son.

There are a multitude of ways to have polyamorous relationships but from what I’ve seen, living together communally is not one of the most common ones. What is more common is a variety of intimate relationships, many of which (but not all) that have a sexual component. What I have seen in our relationship is a remarkable uptick in the peace and satisfaction for us both, even though we had a very good monogamous marriage for 20 years before opening up. We have so much emotional safety and so little power dynamics going on in our relationship now that we pretty much don’t fight at all anymore. Polyamory has taught us better communication skills and made our needs and boundaries acceptable to discuss, and so we mostly talk things out before it ever gets to that stage.

We have an abundance of love, connection, caring and sex. Both James and I are happier than we’ve ever been. We know ourselves better than we ever have and are more deeply connected and in love than we’ve ever been — and that’s saying something! We had 20+ years of a very good monogamous marriage and I absolutely support people’s right to choose that for themselves, but I don’t think most people choose it — it chooses them because they don’t think anything else is truly available to them.

You’ve provided nothing to counter any of this except for your prudish moralizing based in nothing but your intolerance. Just as your monogamy does not impact my life in any way, my polyamory has nothing to do with you. Why can’t you just live and let live?

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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