I’m not pitting men against women — I’m commenting on a destructive social system that is not in question as to whether or not it exists. Edit: As recently as 50 years ago, women could not hold businesses or credit cards in their own name; could not attend Ivy League schools, could be struck from juries simply for being female or be fired for being pregnant. Law firms would not even interview female candidates. Marital rape wasn’t a thing in all jurisdictions in the US until 1993. In other words, prior to that, men had the legal right to their wives bodies with or without their consent. THAT is a patriarchy!

Just as it is not in question that patriarchy emerged about 10,000 years ago with the advent of agriculture — something that almost all anthropologists agree upon. The fact that this does not fit in with your world view is immaterial, although it’s fairly pathetic that in the face of incontrovertible evidence, you won’t admit it because it apparently hurts your feelings in some way. Edit: I was really hopeful to have an actual discussion with you but all that went out the window when I started linking things that disproved your theories and you started to get snarky and condescending in response.

If you look back at the subtitle of this piece, it’s that the patriarchy hurts everyone. It is actually a response to the men who have been attacking me and other women. So yes, you are going to perceive some emotion here — I have every right to defend myself when attacked by these men and I have every right to own my experiences, which you are quite correct — you know nothing about. I’m not going to start listing statistics or telling you stories — that kind of info is readily available on the off-chance that you care to actually educate yourself instead of simply operating out of your hurt feelings. Hell, all you have to do is open the newspaper. Every goddam week there is another major story breaking about the bullshit that women routinely endure that men do not on the same level.

I mention issues facing men several times in this piece alone, although most of the time when I’ve mentioned that kind of thing I get shouted down by men who say I have no standing to comment upon their issues — so there’s that! The fact that you completely missed that I’ve done so is no doubt the same reason that Sean missed that I had at least 7 quotes and citations and then he complained about the lack of them. Because you are not seeking to learn anything — you are seeking to pontificate from your entrenched point of view. And don’t tell me that my view is also entrenched, because I am updating and amending mine all of the time. Below is an excerpt from an earlier article of mine:

And now to the words and phrases that turn me on:

  1. “Opinions expressed here are ready for transformation from new information.” Joel Barker, you are a stud in my book! I am turned on by intelligent people who are secure enough to want to learn something new, even if it challenges what they already believe.
  2. “You make a good point.” Someone who says that is strong and self-confident, and that is really, really sexy. Even if no minds or positions are being changed, recognition of a valid point is hot as hell, in part because it’s so rare.

You and Sean are both first-class mansplainers — quite happy to splain to me all about my life, my motivations, my emotions, and my area of expertise in a condescending way as if you know best. When I present you with data that you don’t like, you resort to attacking me personally and marginalizing what I say as the blindness of ideology rather than admit that I’ve demonstrated you are in error. It’s pretty lame, but also pretty predictable.

If you want to write about classism or men’s issues or anything else under the sun, be my guest, but you don’t get to tell me what is important in my life or what I should write about. If it upsets you, don’t read it.

Why did you read this story in the first place? Perhaps to have the opportunity to educate me in some way about how I should stop acting like a victim? Well, guess what — the first step to not acting like a victim is to stand up and say I’m not going to silently take this shit anymore. So once again, if you don’t like what I say and do, there’s the door……….. 👋

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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