I’m completely agreeing with you Joe Duncan that poly is not only an end, it’s also a means to other ends as well. Through having more than one partner and other love interests, I’ve learned to have a less anxious attachment style. James speaks my love language, but Nat doesn’t — and I’ve learned that this is OK. He can love me the way that feels best to him and I can grow emotionally so that I can accept that. And, I still get my love language fix with James. All of my relationships are slightly different — there isn’t just one kind of love or affection or even attraction. I now live in a world with a whole bunch more love, and a whole bunch more fun, and I really like that. It does take some doing to go from coupled up exclusively to not, but if you talk it through until you are sick of the subject, and then talk some more, you can probably get through it — and also both find yourselves in expanded places, both as individuals and as a couple.

Emma Austin, you might also want to read a book like The Ethical Slut or Opening Up, A Guide to Open Relationships to get a better handle of some of the topics you’ll want to cover in those discussion and the things you both need to think about.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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