I'll look for that Netflix. It sounds interesting. I'm not sure I follow you on the empathy thing because it isn't a pie. It's entirely possible to have empathy for multiple people at one time. You don't have to just choose one at a time.
Is it possible to have unhealthy levels of feminine traits such as gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, sweetness, compassion, tolerance, nurturance, deference, and receptivity? Maybe, but that wasn't what Jessica was describing - ergo, it wasn't toxic femininity. They were toxic behaviors being displayed by women but that doesn't make them toxic femininity. Maybe that’s a precision of terminology that not everyone cares about, but I do.
Insecure people are touchy about criticism and there's certainly plenty of that to go around in a culture that is built around constant comparison to everyone around you in order to determine place in a hierarchy. It's been noted that in our culture masculinity has to constantly be demonstrated and proven in a way that femininity doesn't. Someone is just a woman but you must constantly show that you are a man by demonstrating masculine traits and by not demonstrating very many feminine ones. There is a constant jousting for position in the hierarchy (sometimes called The Man Box). That fosters a huge amount of insecurity. It may be covered up with cockiness and bluster, but I would say that most men are deeply insecure (as are most women, but for different reasons -both of them due to the culture).
How the Man Box Poisons Our Sons
Mark Greene lays out the price we pay for raising boys in our dominant culture of masculinity
Most people are a blend of Yin and Yang (a good way to talk about masculine and feminine qualities by removing gender from the equation). Allowing everyone to be whatever blend they naturally are without being shoehorned into gender binaries would benefit us all.