I'll just say that it is my professional opinion that the rudest thing that someone can possible do is to tell someone else how to feel and how to act on those feelings unless they have specifically been asked to weigh in - particularly when you haven't walked in their shoes. If their methods prove ineffective, they will discover that eventually and it's otherwise not your business - particularly if you aren't giving them an alternate roadmap that doesn't just involve sitting down and shutting up.

It is my contention that we have the society that we tolerate and when we don't speak up, both as bystanders and as people who have experienced oppression, that it normalizes that behavior because nobody knows that many people do not in fact accept it. The #MeToo movement kind of proved that one. Even as someone who knew that this sort of thing happened a lot, it blew me away just how prevalent it truly was when women and others felt empowered to cast aside the veil of silence. The night that all broke a young man I barely knew told me about his assault - something he never told anyone before - because he finally realized that he wasn't alone and that he didn't need to be ashamed.

My experiences at the swinger's club also confirms this outlook. Half naked women are much safer and much more respected in a dark bar where people are drinking than fully clothed women on the street in broad daylight are. That's because the culture of the club that is tolerated is very different from the one that is tolerated in the larger society.

Does it take courage to do that? Absolutely, and it's not going to always be well received but that doesn't mean that it doesn't start to change the culture.

And what exactly are people supposed to do instead? Things are not going to change on their own.

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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