If you are referring to my situation, I didn’t start out looking for another partner. I did have a fantasy about being in bed with two men that got revealed one night after a lot of intimacy and a lot of wine. It excited us both to think about it. The next day James said, “We can totally do that if you want to, as long as we can do that with a woman also.” That was the beginning of our adventure in polyamory. But even after we agreed to pursue this, we did several weeks of talking it through and getting clear about our expectations and parameters before we ever spent time with anyone else.
It actually took us a while to find a guy to do that with, but I think it’s because we were actually looking for a very particular person, not just any guy. Rather than going into all of that here, I’m just going to link you a story that explains it further.