I think the answer is to keep engaging and listening to those who feel harmed, to read and learn as much as you can about some of the dynamics in play. It’s only when we actually listen without defense to those whose life experiences are different can we begin to have understanding and empathy.
Is it possible for outrage to become a culture that is no longer serving actual healing or justice? Sure — but there’s an awful lot to be justifiably angry about. I learned the other day that the CDC says 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will be victims of sexual violence. I didn’t realize it was quite that bad, particularly for males. But I think defending the current system impedes change. Saying there is no toxic masculinity, for example, impedes our ability to help the millions of men who are literally dying of loneliness and isolation demanded of them by this dynamic. It doesn’t mean all men are toxic or that maleness is wrong- it just means that doing it in the performative hierarchy of the patriarchy hurts us all. But that can’t really shift until men make the effort to look at and acknowledge that. Mark Greene writes some great stuff on Medium about that topic.
There are so many good articles on Medium right now related to the dynamics of the Kavanaugh hearing. You might not agree with everything said in each one but it’s a good look at how power, privilege and the way boys in those environments in particular are encouraged to be ruthless and self- serving at other’s expense takes place.
We don’t know what we don’t know and so actively seeking information and other perspectives is the only way to begin to learn, the only way to become equipped to participate in healing and a better society for us all. You’ve undertaken that some already. I’d love to chat with you anytime if you want to share more about the experiences that have shaped your perspectives.