I opened a Fetlife account a while ago to make friends with similar interests although I was also open to maybe getting together with someone if I found the right fit. I’d heard it was like kinky FB but found it to be more like a dating site. Tons of come-ons from random men, no women interested in being friends, all the things that you described, plus a few more.
One younger guy wanted to video chat so I could watch him masturbate. Uh, no thanks, dude. I don’t even know you. I have no interest in that. When I politely told him that wasn’t my thing, he got angry and acted like an old broad like me should be thrilled to have a young guy want to put on that kind of a show for her. Puhleeze! The concept of getting to know someone seems entirely lost on them — very transactional, although I doubt most of these guys were even completing any transactions with that game. I finally got fed up and closed my account.
It’s really not that difficult guys….. treat the woman you are interested in like a person and not a living sex toy who is there to please and get you off, and you’ll do a lot better.