I loved this story! I think part of the resistance to positive consent is that we’ve seen decades of movies (and TV) shows where a man is shown to be strong, powerful and virile by taking what he wants, which in turn makes the woman admire him. Think of James Bond wrestling with Pussy Galore in the hay, holding her down and kissing her against her will until she at last realizes that she likes it. Asking for consent upends that power dynamic and that Hollywood myth.
Meanwhile, as you’ve so aptly described, it can be incredibly hot, a part of the sexual dance. The vanilla world can learn a lot about consent from the kink community. I wrote about it here.