I like and agree with a lot of this, but if you are of the mind that you don’t own your boyfriend and he doesn’t own you, why does jealousy make you feel wanted? I have no issue with the parameters you’ve made for your relationship — that’s a great idea to talk about and name those and what they are is entirely between the two of you.

But as someone who was happily monogamous for 20+ years and then opened up, I am of the opinion that jealousy is a socialized in emotion. We’ve been conditioned to believe it signals real love. Meanwhile, it’s just your insecurities talking. If you love and trust your partner, if you believe that he/she is committed to you and your relationship, in the absence of evidence to the contrary, jealousy is just another name for possessiveness and that implies ownership (and not having actual trust).

I don’t need jealousy in my relationship(s) to feel wanted and loved, and I don’t believe you actually do either.