“I have no idea if this is the right move. I feel like it is, though.”
If it feels like the right move for you, then it is!
And I totally get the rest of this too. We opened up our relationship when it was at it’s most healthy and vibrant and connected and not as a way to numb or not deal with the inevitable issue that come with living with someone else for 20 years. That’s what I would recommend to anyone, monogmous or not.
And, sexual energy IS life force energy! It’s the creative juice of the universe — and not just only about knocking boots. For me, it’s not just about my self expression and my pleasure; it’s a vital spiritual and healing resource, for both myself, my clients and my world (and no, I’m not having sexual contact with my clients or the world), but it’s still something that I channel and cultivate in order to be helpful to both.
And you still absolutely should walk the path that makes sense to you and feels right. That is the only sane way to go forward in such an insane world!