I have a pretty sophisticated understanding of my own inner workings. The other day when I was watching Tamara have sex with my husband I was overcome with feelings; feelings of happiness at the sight of the two of them together and feelings of just how much I care for her. Those emotions speak to and are engendered by the actions that we take to foster them, yes. But they are also not only those actions alone. The way that we behave to and with her has not altered over the 2 years that we’ve been seeing her. The way that we all feel has changed, however.

To discount feelings as stand-alone things is to rob them of the richness and the power that they have. It’s often said that Love is the most powerful force in the Universe — yes, the actions that demonstrate love, but also just the emotion itself. By some people’s estimation, this is what God actually is — the all-encompassing power of the feeling and also what is made possible when we act upon it, but not only that.

You said in the piece that you linked, “Loving someone else is the commitment to be there indefinitely and through everything imaginable.” I’m sorry, but I just don’t agree with that. I love Lane in a friendly kind of “you are of my tribe” kind of love, but I/we have made no commitments to him of any sort. Our relationship with Tamara is a bit more in that direction, but only a bit and I don’t think commitment has anything at all to do with love. And as I said before, there are all different forms and types of love. The kind that says “I’ll always be here for you through thick and thin,” is only one kind.

People have sex with their emotions turned off all of the time. They do have to either do that intentionally or to be so blunted by trauma or disfunction that they have removed emotion from the equation because that kind of intimate connection is naturally conducive to experiencing emotions, but I don’t think sex = emotion is a fair assessment. But, you are entitled to your opinion. It’s not necessary for one of us to ultimately be “right” and the other be “wrong.” It’s an interesting topic for discussion, to be sure.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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