It is self-evident that we’ve all been led to believe that monogamous marriage is the only real, true and valid kind of relationship. The fact that you said to stay away from the Inuit supports that, in fact, because clearly they are not doing relationships “correctly.” And then there’s the fact that so many people, even some anthropologists, label these clearly not monogamous cultures as being so because they have some form of marriage in them and it meets the overwhelming belief in monogamy as being “right” was something that I discussed in the OP. Unless you can supply specific refutations to the things I’ve linked from Sex At Dawn and other sources, whether you believe they are ideological or otherwise faulty holds no weight. Facts about these cultures are facts and quotes are quotes. If you think they are incorrect or not really what those people said — prove it. Otherwise, you don’t really have a leg to stand on.

My premise is that these institutions are not universal. It is not that they are non-existent or that they are undesirable. I have demonstrated that repeatedly with facts about the other cultures who do not practice them in the same way that we tend to in the West. That’s all I’ve set out to do.

I can’t write about how much monogamy helped me because it didn’t. Once again, you are showing your ingrained bias for monogamy as the correct way to be in a relationship. You are answering your own question. My marriage and my relationship with my husband are infinitely better now that we are no longer exclusive and we had a pretty decent 20 years of monogamy, so it’s not that it was bad, but it’s so, so much better now, and not just on a sexual level. We have a true partnership now in a way that we didn’t have as fully before. I write about that often and hear from many people about how much this helps them, even if they have decided to stay monogamous. That’s fine with me. I don’t care what other people do in their personal lives but I do care about people not realizing that there are other options and that what they’ve been fed about the universality of monogamous marriage is a lie.

If you care about fostering lies in service of your ideological agenda, that’s your business, but count me out. If you want to learn more about how polyamory is a socially beneficial relationship style, check out some of these stories that I’ve written, each one full of research and data.

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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