I don’t entirely disagree that seeking to create something positive rather than simply railing against what’s wrong is generally a good idea. The only problem with this is that women are still having a very hard time convincing many men that there is even anything actually very wrong with society. And you can’t build a better mousetrap if a perponderance of people won’t admit there is anything wrong with the old one.
There are too many, like the Medium friend of mine I mentioned in my article, who actually still believe that the women trying to talk about this stuff are the actual problem — and he’s a good and decent guy, just like you are. I’d like nothing better than to be focusing on how we can co-create a society that works better for all people, but until those who are trying to talk about what needs to improve stopped getting attacked, I’m going to keep speaking up.
Mainstream feminism is all about that — about creating a better world for women, but also for men (and not at the expense of them) by advocating for a society where people don’t have to fit into genderized boxes. It is not about saying that men are evil or that they have the intention to be harmful. But it is trying to point out some of the systemic issues with our society.
And there’s still a huge backlash to that. I don’t know if you went and looked at the #FirstHarassed on Twitter, but there is just a huge amount of hatefullness towards the women who are merely stating that they were subjected to terrible behavior at a young age. They aren’t calling men awful or evil; they are simply stating, “This happened to me when I was 9 years old,” and the like. And for daring to speak about something that any decent human would fine problematic, they are getting attacked in really nasty ways.
So yes, I really would like to be able to focus more fully on what I want rather than what I don’t but I don’t yet know how to do that in this current climate where there is still a huge impulse to shoot the messenger and to discredit everything she is saying for the purposes of not having to actually deal with this topic. I’m open to suggestions though……….