I do have lots of sympathy for men in prison (or anyone) who has grown up in some kind of marginalized setting. The question I was asking in this OP was why do some men find their way forward and some don’t? I don’t know the answer to that, but I proposed some possibilities. I’m asking the question because if we know why some make it through the hardship of growing up and some don’t, we might be better able to help everyone. Same goes for men in prison or kids in terrible schools. Why do some survive and some don’t so that we can do a better job of providing whatever it is that helps people survive the bad things.
But even people who experience significant hardship still bear some responsibility for trying to improve their own lives. They may have greater or lessor success, but if all they are going to do is sit there and blame someone else (who isn’t even the right person to blame) then no, that’s not OK. I’ve loved two such men and I married one of them — guys who weren’t born with advantages, but who none-the-less improved their lives. I had a rough childhood and young adult experience at the hands of my peers too. But I’m not spouting hate or saying that those people deserve to die.