I didn't say that patriarchy and toxicity are the same thing. I said that patriarchy is a dominance hierarchy — which it is. You need to pay better attention. You've conflated a whole bunch of things in your head and drawn conclusions that I've never asserted.

“You may think that patriarchy means a society that gives men power and primacy over women and although that’s not wrong; it’s not the whole story. On a deeper level, patriarchy is a type of dominance hierarchy that involves the stratification of everyone in the society. Different people and groups of people each have a place in the hierarchy, and if they try to rise above their station or move out of their place, that is when coercive behavior kicks in to keep them in line. Sometimes it’s just to remind them of their place.”

It also doesn't matter whether or not you believe that patriarchy as a social system is relatively new - that's what anthropologists and historians say. What you believe is socio-biology is actually myth. That's not how it happened.

“Today, most anthropologists would agree, regardless of their stance on issues such as the universality of male dominance, that an entirely different order of male dominance became associated with the rise of the large and populous agricultural states organized in terms of classes. The patriarchal systems that emerged brought women for the first time under the direct control of fathers and husbands with few cross-cutting sources of support. Women as wives under this system were not social adults, and women’s lives were defined in terms of being a wife. Women’s mothering and women’s sexuality came to be seen as requiring protection by fathers and husbands. Protecting unmarried women’s virginity appears to go along with the idea of the domestication of women and an emphasis on a radical dichtomy between the public and the private sphere.”

For most of human history, people lived together in small bands, subsisting as hunter-gatherers, sharing nearly everything as part of their survival strategy. “Mark Dyble, an anthropologist who led the study at University College London, said: “There is still this wider perception that hunter-gatherers are more macho or male-dominated. We’d argue it was only with the emergence of agriculture when people could start to accumulate resources, that inequality emerged.”

"Christopher Boehm is an anthropologist and primatologist who is currently the Director of the Jane Goodall Research Center at the University of Southern California. He believes that suppressing our primate ancestors’ dominance hierarchies by enforcing these egalitarian norms was a central adaptation of human evolution. Enhanced cooperation lowered the risks of Paleolithic life for small, isolated bands of humans and was likely crucial to our survival and evolutionary success."

Here's what our actual sociobiology is:

“Despite the belief that monogamous male-female bonding is how mothers and children were supported and thrived, the anthropologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy and others believe it was actually female cooperative breeding, or alloparenting — ‘sharing and caring derived from the pooled energy’ of a network of ‘grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, distantly related kin, and non-kin’ — that shaped our evolution.” (2)

"Simply put, a shift toward growing crops intensively for subsistence and later for profit changed everything between the sexes. Three linked beliefs — that a woman is a man’s property; that a woman’s place is in the home; and that women especially ought to be more “naturally” monogamous — are seeds that were planted in our early harvests. Stranger still, a woman’s most personal decisions were transformed into a matter of public concern and her sexual autonomy subjected to social control and legislation, owing to the ox and the horse."

I’ve researched and written on this extensively. I could link you about 15 more stories on various aspects of all this but I won’t.

And there are wounded versions of both Yin and Yang. I've already given several examples of what they might look like. Extreme self-reliance leading to isolation is killing millions of American men. That’s not a value judgment or a “healthy” trait that just needs to find it’s Taoist match— it’s a fact. Being a drama queen is also not a healthy trait just waiting for its counterpoint.

You’ve seemingly missed the entire point of this story. It was not about relationship styles or the fundamental difference between the values and beliefs of conservatives or liberals so I’m not going to speak to any of that since it’s an entirely separate conversation.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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